I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
