Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize