dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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