dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
