No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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