come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize