when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
