I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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