Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
