onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
