dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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