we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
