Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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