Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
