So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
