apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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