This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
