he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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