yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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