My pussy is not your playground.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
