Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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