Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's never too late to be topless.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
