if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize