i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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