im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
