We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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