What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
