So drunk its hurt
i think my tv is drunk
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
