you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize