I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
