Your dad touched me again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
