i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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