Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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