I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
