FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I deserve this hangover.
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