So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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