I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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