the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
