Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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