I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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