noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
