I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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