Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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