Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
