Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
