I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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