well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
