I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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