I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
