a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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