I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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