she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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