So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
