end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
