Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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