His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
