my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
