I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
