im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
