If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
