Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize