We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
