Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
