I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
