So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
