so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
