1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
