Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
