Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize